1st Draft of Music Video

Here is my first full draft for my music video, I will use this, and audience feedback that I get from it, in order to make the necessary changes to improve my video and make it look more like a conventional/real music video. 
However, I have also done my own reflection on my music video and I am aware of certain areas that need changing. I know certain footage is shakey and quite bad quality. I also need to include a lot more footage in order to create the 'alternative reality' idea that I wanted to create, as well as film in Hull and edit that in the suitable places in order to successfully create the contrast idea that I want to create- doing this will also ensure that it is not as repetitive because at the moment I have had to use a lot of the same footage over and over again, which becomes quite boring as you are watching it, so I know that by incorporating more footage into it, with different mise-en-scene/props etc will make it more interesting to watch and more appealing for my audience. 

I also received some feedback from my teacher on this first draft, and after reading this I have already established changes that needed to be made. After looking at this draft we established that it looked too much look holiday footage to be an actual music video, and although I wanted to create an 'abstract' music video, the first draft looks just like a montage of clips of New York City. Therefore, for the second draft of my video, I will need to film footage in Hull, as well as incorporate shots of a girl, so my audience can see that she is dreaming of this different world- a world that is completely different to the current world she is living in.